Boss (Writer) Energy: What I Learned from Elizabeth Gilbert's Author Event
As part of my mission to learn from the biggest, baddest bosses in the writing world, I went to see Elizabeth Gilbert last weekend at her event to promote her new memoir (and Oprah’s Book Club pick) All the Way to the River.
I’ve been a fan of hers since Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, and an even bigger fan after she shaved her head to save time and money taming her frizzy, dishwater hair (how badly I would love to follow her lead!). The event was hosted by my local indie bookstore, Anderson’s Bookshops (who do the best events in the area!) in a huge community church at the most perfect author event time: 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday.
Watching Liz Gilbert command a room of 150+ people like the absolute powerhouse she is—including her fashion, her stage presence, the way she structured the event and did it all solo—was inspiring in so many ways. (Note: I have only listened to the first 25% of the audiobook version of this memoir, read by the author, and have no commentary on the story or writing itself.)
As an aspiring writer, here are some of the things I learned:
How to Own a Stage Like Liz Gilbert
From the moment she walked on stage (wearing an oversized navy plaid blazer, soft black pants, camel Adidas Sambas, and coral reading glasses atop her shorn hair), Gilbert owned the room. Gold bracelets caught the light as she held the microphone. Her shaved hair framed a face that seemed makeup-free, radiant with confidence. Even sitting in the back of the church, I could see Liz's eyes are so sparkly, she doesn't need hair or makeup. And no one was looking at any marginal wrinkles!
Gilbert posed for audience photos before telling us to put our phones away. Boss move!
But here's what made her a total boss: No notes. No teleprompter. No moderator. Just pure, unfiltered charisma and the ability to hold an entire room captive with nothing but her voice and presence. She did the entire event solo, standing on stage, working the room, mixing humor and mysticism and heart-wrenching grief as she talked about the process of writing the memoir.
Curiosity Beats Fear Every Single Time
Gilbert noted everyone has the same types of fears, and if we lean into them, we'll have the same lives as everyone else. But our curiosities are different—that's what we should lean into.
She also shared psychologist Martha Beck's idea that the opposite of anxiety isn't calm—it's curiosity and creativity. When you're anxious, instead of forcing calm and relaxation, do something playful and creative, and follow your curiosity.
I—a long-time anxiety-haver and studier of all things mindfulness related—had never heard of this! Next time I engage in my comfort-anxiety spiraling (usually about leaving my house and attending events like this one!), I hope to remember Gilbert’s words and toggle into creativity and curiosity. (I feel like I should also have this saying on post-it notes all around my house to remind myself of said toggling!)
Write from Healed Scars, Not Open Wounds
Gilbert's memoir deals with her partner's cancer diagnosis that came with a six-month death sentence, then addiction, codependency, and taking care of a person she called a "vampiric savage addict." Extremely heavy stuff!
In the opening of her memoir (which she read to the audience during the event), the ghost of her partner visits her and tells her to tell their story. But she emphasized that she couldn't write this story until five years into recovery—when she could examine the past forensically from the perspective of the present. Conveniently, the ghost visited her on this five year date.
"You can't write when the wound is still open," she said. Great instruction to allow yourself time to process traumatic experiences before writing about them, though it's usually through writing that we process them.
Truth-Telling as Armor
When asked about writing such vulnerable, controversial material (the book was actually embargoed because of sensitive content—including her admissions about having murderous thoughts toward her partner during the worst of their struggles!), Gilbert's response was brilliant:
She said no one can hurt her by telling a truth she told them.
I loved this! She owned her truth and claimed to be unbothered by anyone who is throwing it back at her. (And I couldn’t help but think of the amazing publicity controversial headlines bring to pieces of art. . .)
Recovery and Spirituality Grounds Her
As is her brand, Gilbert also talked extensively about mysticism and self-improvement, including her addiction recovery—she said she attends 12-step meetings daily for multiple addictions like love, sex and codependency. While her discussion of addiction has been controversial, watching her speak about it in person makes clear it's become the foundation for her brand of fearless truth-telling.
Whether or not you buy into her particular spiritual framework, seeing/hearing her in person makes clear how skillfully she has figured out how to transform pain into art into love into commerce (she's sold over 25 million copies of her books!)
Learning in Public is Service
Gilbert said she writes because she's "doing her learning in public." She said she benefited from people who had done that for her, so she wants to do it for others.
This really resonated with me, including why I feel compelled to write about switching careers on my Substack, BigLaw to Books. When I first seriously contemplated leaving my BigLaw life, I read so many books about career changes— like Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans and Pivot by Jenny Blake. There were other books and podcasts, too, about leaving the law. All these writers and others who talked about switching careers midlife helped me so much!
After Gilbert spoke about learning in public, I realized if I share my learning in public, maybe it will help someone else also thinking about a career shift. I want to pay it forward.
Why This Matters
At the end of the event, twenty-one people lined up for Q&A, mostly young women asking variations of "How do you blow up your life?" "How do you tell the truth in a memoir?" "How are you so brave?"
Gilbert's answers were simple: You're the only one who can blow up your life. Tell the truth about you—but don't expose others. Show your learning and you will help others.
Watching her work that room, I realized what makes someone a boss isn't just talent or success or charisma—it's the willingness to be completely, unapologetically yourself. She exuded pure confidence and calm, a super appealing state of unbotheredness and her fashion choices echoed her brand.
Pure boss energy, the very thing I am both writing about in my debut novel AND want to channel as a writer myself.
